I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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