Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
