my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she smelled like a LAN party
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
