Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
