that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
