so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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