I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
