Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
