I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
