Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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