So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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