The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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