Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My ass is underappreciated
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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