he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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