we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
