I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
