my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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