I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
