the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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