All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
