dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
