believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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