My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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