dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
