You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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