This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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