If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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