i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize