I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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