idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
