oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
