Me too!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
