shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
