Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
