Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
