I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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