I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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