I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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