Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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