Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize