apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think my moral compass just broke
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
