One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
