walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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