It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
