At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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