So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
