Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
