I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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