Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize