The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
