you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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