I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
