is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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