A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize