this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize