im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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