he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
