Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
