Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
