What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
